I'm Still Alive

Yes, I'm still alive. Sorry for the disappearing act!

The move... well, it happened. It was a lot of work, and very exhausting for both of us. Samantha's Mom came out for a few days right before the move to help us with packing, and that was a Godsend, let me tell you. We had a big yardsale and got rid of lots of stuff, also Goodwill and other charities took a lot of stuff off my hands. It was really painful for a packrat like me to get rid of all that stuff.

The move itself -- a 24' truck towing a car trailer... from Arizona to Oregon in the middle of January. It was relatively uneventful but very tiring. Once we got here, things went pretty swimmingly. We got in on Thursday 1/19 evening, and by 2 p.m. the next day we had rented ourselves a nice 3-bedroom condo with a very nice landlady and a great price. Over the weekend we actually got moved in, with mucho help from Samantha's friends.

Monday 1/23 I started my new job at UberCorporation. It's a huge, huge company, 1000 times bigger than my last company. I'd not worked for a big company in a long time, but I am finally now (almost 2 months later) feeling reasonably well adapted.

As for Samantha and I... hm. It's been really all over the place. Feb. 20th we had a ragingly nasty fight, so much so that she went to her friend's house and spent the night there. That was probably the worst. After that we had a long talk about ourselves, how we relate, and how we interact. From that we came up with some ideas that are really helping, at least insofar as while we still fight, our fights are not so nasty as they were and a bit more respectful.

There are a lot of bumps though. Sometime in February I got Samantha to admit what she had long denied, and I had long suspected, that she had slept with her ex-fiance in November when she was in Vegas. I forgave her for that (it was a pretty confusing time for us) but it still really jolted me -- not so much the act as the fact that she lied about it, to my face. Trust is a major issue between us right now.

The other major issue is that I feel very ignored. She spends a lot of time with her friends here, C, C's husband R, and Samantha's goddaughter M. C and R and (especially) M are very nice, but we don't have a lot in common. They are Samantha's age, not well educated, not into art/books/music as I am. They aren't dumb (not in the slightest), but their interests are more in the D&D/roleplaying/gaming area. That stuff just isn't me. Since we've been here Samantha has spent a lot of time with them and I've been left alone in a city where I don't know anyone except some cousins and an aunt who live about 25 miles away.

Long Time No Post!

Sorry for the long interval between posts! There's been a lot of stuff happening.

First, I had an interview for a job up in Portland. It went really well, they made me an offer but it was low -- so I countered, and they accepted my counter. The upshot is I accepted the position and I'm starting my new job in late January. It's a really great opportunity -- a nice bump in pay, better opportunities, fun people to work with, good benefits. It's a definite step up.

Samantha and I have worked out most of our differences. The strain of packing and getting ready to move has been pretty intense, but I am confident we will be okay. It won't be fun in the short run though. Still, I'm really excited about getting a chance to start over in a new place.

If It Seems Too Good To Be True...

Well, I should have learned from experience. We had a darn nice Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday up until bedtime, and then...

When Samantha was in Portland she emailed me to say (in part) that on reflection, she didn't need to sleep with other people to get what she wants. Once again I took that to mean that she had reconciled herself to being monogamous. So naturally I was surprised late last night (why is it always late at night when I have to be up at work in the morning??) she brought the whole thing up again, and lo and behold, we were (seemingly) back where we were a month ago, more or less. We had a very nasty fight and she slept on the couch.

On top of that, I caught her in a lie. When she first told me she was extending her time in Vegas she said she just "had some things to do". Well, it was really that her ex-fiance had asked her to stay a couple more days, so she did.

I'm really upset and wondering why the hell I am bothering with all of this. Gang, this is your cue to say "I told you so!"

Thanksgiving

My trip to Vegas to meet Samantha's parents went really well. I got there around 11:30 a.m. Thanksgiving day and met her parents; slightly awkward at first as it usually is in such circumstances. Around 2 we went over to her uncle's house for dinner, which was yummy in the extreme. That night we went to see "Rent", which was really good. I stayed at her parent's house in their spare room with Samantha -- two single beds. We managed to spend some time snuggling (just snuggling!), which was really nice after 4 weeks apart.

Friday we hung out, played some pool (Samantha and her sister both whupped me), ran some errands. Saturday we came back with a stop off to have dinner with my folks. Just before we got there we managed to have a nasty argument (after an otherwise beautiful trip), and another on the way home when she brought up the same point as before -- a jealousy thing on my part. It was stupid. We got home late Saturday night and talked through some of our stuff and it's better, I think.

Since then we've been getting along quite a bit better, and things have a different feel to them in our relationship. I hope this means we've finally worked through most of our immediate issues; it feels like it. We'll see.

All in all the trip went well and I think her parents at least think I'm okay. They are nice folks and I think we'll get along fine.

Here We Go!

Okay, I'm off in just a few. Going to stop over tonight with my folks, then up to Vegas tomorrow for Thanksgiving with Samantha's family. This should be interesting... wish me luck!

Absence Makes the Heart...

Samantha has been gone since 10/27. She was originally supposed to come back 11/14, but when she got back to Vegas 11/13 she called me to say she was going to stay 'til 11/16. 11/15 she called me to say she was horribly sick and she'd decided to just stay until Thanksgiving when I was going to be coming out anyway, rather than spend a whole day coming back sick on the bus. After being very sick for several days, she's doing much better now.

I've found that when we are apart for more than 2 weeks or so I start to get very anxious. Last night I had a dream that she had gone to one of the Vegas wedding chapels and married her ex-fiancé. Crazy, I know, but very upsetting.

The thing that bothers me most is that while we communicate very well when we are together, when we are apart our communication is lacking. I'm the kind of person that wants to hear from his gf every day, at least a voicemail or email or something. She's not that way. She complained to me that I call her too much. I just wanted to hear her voice, y'know? *sigh*

The current plan is for me to go out to Vegas on Thanksgiving and spend it there and meet her parents. Eeep! I'm sure it will be fine.

"We Have Met The Enemy...

and he is us." That's a Pogo reference, but probably most of you whippersnappers are too young to get it. Oh well!

I was reading this post by Singular Man (Dateless and Homicidal) when it really, really hit me --- my God, I'm one of those! He said in part, "...the tendancy of so many to fall for the utterly, obviously wrong (in every possible sense) kind of person". Okay, I don't think that is ACTUALLY me, but I realize that it probably looks like it to everyone else.

I had an IM chat with LJ today (she is alive and well, even if she's not blogging much) and talked about the situation with Samantha and I. I've also talked with several friends about it, and of course I read the comments on Singular Man's blog. There's a lot to think about. I'm torn between missing out on the love of life due to lack of nerve, and the desire to avoid a situation which could potentially rip my heart and soul to shreds. It's tough. I know it looks insane to most folks, and I appreciate the feedback (yes, even the "run away, far, far away!" comments) that I've gotten. It doesn't help that Samantha is gone so much. To some extent I'm leaving things in the hands of fate, which is maybe a chicken thing to do and maybe not. We'll see.