Party Time
I attended a Memorial Day party tonight; a friend who has a beautiful house overlooking the city. He invited a large number of people, some of whom I know, all of them members of different informal singles groups in town. It was supposed to be a toga party, but since it was raining and unseasonably cool I decided to forgo the toga. Bad move, since most of the people at the party were indeed wearing togas.
Two interesting points. First, I spent some time talking to this one girl I've talked to a few times before. She's a couple of years older than me, cute, smart. I never asked her out because she's looking for a nice Jewish boy and of course I'm not him. Anyway, I ask her how she's doing and she tells me a good friend of hers just passed away and she's feeling horrible. So we spend 20 or 30 minutes talking about it (mostly her talking, me listening). After this conversation she leaves to go dance, and I wonder -- what was that about? I'm glad to be a good shoulder/ear -- I've always considered it important to be able to really listen to people. But my DCG side says this doesn't get me anywhere, and may even have negative repercussions. Sheesh.
The second, more positive point is that a girl I'd not seen in a while showed up a bit late. L is a couple years older than I am, very smart and successful, cute, nice body, all around cool person. About a year and a half ago we had gone for a snack after a group event and she admitted she'd had a crush on me. Of course, she was admitting this since she had just started seriously dating a guy. Figures! And I had been totally clueless and hadn't realized she had a crush on me. Anyway, she shows up at the party. Me, being the bold person I am now, asks her if she's still dating so-and-so. She says no, but she's now dating a guy who is (no joke!) a multimillionaire in town. He's off in the Caribbean so she decided to come hang out. Sheesh. Anyway, we spend almost the whole time she's at the party yakking and having a good time, and when it's time to leave she gives me a big hug and tells me I should call/email her some time. Once again I say what the hell? Whatever. I might call her and do something with her just 'cause I'm bored but how can I compete with multimillionaire?
Two interesting points. First, I spent some time talking to this one girl I've talked to a few times before. She's a couple of years older than me, cute, smart. I never asked her out because she's looking for a nice Jewish boy and of course I'm not him. Anyway, I ask her how she's doing and she tells me a good friend of hers just passed away and she's feeling horrible. So we spend 20 or 30 minutes talking about it (mostly her talking, me listening). After this conversation she leaves to go dance, and I wonder -- what was that about? I'm glad to be a good shoulder/ear -- I've always considered it important to be able to really listen to people. But my DCG side says this doesn't get me anywhere, and may even have negative repercussions. Sheesh.
The second, more positive point is that a girl I'd not seen in a while showed up a bit late. L is a couple years older than I am, very smart and successful, cute, nice body, all around cool person. About a year and a half ago we had gone for a snack after a group event and she admitted she'd had a crush on me. Of course, she was admitting this since she had just started seriously dating a guy. Figures! And I had been totally clueless and hadn't realized she had a crush on me. Anyway, she shows up at the party. Me, being the bold person I am now, asks her if she's still dating so-and-so. She says no, but she's now dating a guy who is (no joke!) a multimillionaire in town. He's off in the Caribbean so she decided to come hang out. Sheesh. Anyway, we spend almost the whole time she's at the party yakking and having a good time, and when it's time to leave she gives me a big hug and tells me I should call/email her some time. Once again I say what the hell? Whatever. I might call her and do something with her just 'cause I'm bored but how can I compete with multimillionaire?
3 Comments:
Time for more tough love...
You seem like a really nice, good guy. The women at the party like you and they are comfortable confiding in you. They are flattered by your attentiveness. The end. I strongly recommend not pursuing either of these women, even as friends. These dead-end friendship are getting you nowhere--except frustrated.
I like that you are a good listener--but you need to get more aggressive. Let these women know that you are interested in more than just listening to them. If they are not into it, then it's time to move along.
You know quite a few interesting single women--pick one or two who you like the best, who you can actually imagine a future with or who you would like to get to know better--and pursue them. Become unavailable to the rest. Don't be there for them (unless there is a real crisis). Don't care about them. Some may come after you at that point and then you can reassess.
I wish I had as many options as you do!
Jamy -- thanks for the TL. I'll give it some thought.
WC -- if you read my first post, you'll see that I am endeavoring to be DCG, I'm not there yet (obviously).
Guy--I'm with Jamy. She said what I started thinking as I read the first story of the first woman. Spending 20-30 minutes talking to a chick about something like her friend passing away kills any possibilities of dialing up the "sexual tension". Believe me...I got a reminder last night. I'll be posting about this at my blog. Unless you knew this poor person who died, that was way too much time to spend on the topic.
Post a Comment
<< Home